Demons of nightmare or reality?

Estimated reading time: 1 min 36 sec

in the middle of the night
i woke up
from the sleep
that was evading me
from reality
that was so close
yet so far
lifting my hands
to reach for that mirage
of the future
yet i couldn’t
my hands chained to the bed
my legs numb and still
my screams wouldn’t come out
of my sore throat
no matter how much i wanted to
my mind wanting to release
the emotions that i was awash with
yet something held me back
something kept me rooted to the past
not wanting to let me go
of the pain and the misery

remnants of tears
traces of their departure 
from my eyes to my ears
yet more seem to come
each passing second
thrust the knife of hurt
in my heart

piercing pain
fisted hands, curled toes
eyes fiercely closed, runny nose
i couldn’t breathe
not merely from my blocked nostrils
but mostly from the unbearable pain
that came from within

i finally heard the snap of my broken heart
the millions of pieces crying for
what was lost wanting to belong
somehow somewhere

what is there to live for?
what is there to die for?
nothing
a bleak world of nothingness
where i cannot find my happiness

Happiness
a social construct
that should come
from good manners
good grades
good education
good job
having it all
doesn’t mean anything
in terms of happiness

what does happiness taste like, feel like?

they have been fooling me
society and its people
telling me ‘it will come when you least expect it’
it will come
such an uncertain answer
to something so simple apparently
it will come
yet again they say
what kind of condition do i need to fulfill
to find this happiness?

i fail to see the relevance
of such absurd conditions

happiness comes from within
others say
in a world constantly
leeching and sucking on
external attention
we are told to look for
happiness inside of us
yet we are constantly bullied into
looking a certain way
doing the current trend
having the same opinion
anything against all these 
will get you marginalized
you will always be teased
and torn apart

the nightmare is really the reality
a reality far worse than any nightmare
that you could dream of
that you could wake from

Footnote

Photo by Thiago Matos from Pexels

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